He lingers when it’s time for the personal interviews, maybe he could make up some reason to stay in the room. He’s worried because he wants Kanata to be shielded from public scrutiny. But it’s none of these reasons, as his fool of a heart aches for his true emotions to be formed into words and thoughts, a dangerous acknowledgement. He tells himself its because Kanata could ruin their reputation - who knows what will he say when asked? Because Kanata could talk endlessly about so many things Reiji would rather keep under wraps. So they land an interview at such and such magazine, which Reiji finds he is nervous about. True, most of their new songs are more like Tadaomi and Shuu’s collaborative efforts, but it sells. Somehow, Epsilon Phi manages without a guitarist. They sit in silence until Reiji realizes he should clean up, start on dinner and do the laundry. He wants to say something - that he knows what it’s like to be left by your brother, that he sees Kanata’s pain - but never having been one for pep talks, neither giving them nor receiving them, he sits down next to him, looping an arm behind his back. Reiji comes home to find something more from his own personal nightmare when he opens into Kanata’s room, ants crawling everywhere (the expensive ant farm kit shattered in one corner), Kanata hysterically sobbing. His old buddies are concerned for a while, then notice Haruka’s absence, his amazing scholarship, how he is touring the college, the dorms - and Kanata leaves school early that day. He sits in his desk at school, opts to spend the time in silence. His grades slip, but not by much, so nothing to write home about. Kanata is more like a ghost, sometimes eating the plate of dinner Reiji leaves for him in the fridge, sometimes not. They all fall into a routine Reiji can manage.
Then Shuu grabs the moment to snicker about it, says “nice haircut” with such venom, Reiji can’t follow up with anything that would sound sincere now. He wants say something, to yell about the sink or compliment his hair, anything. The cuts are uneven, the length is chopped to resembling something like Haruka’s hair, but this is green and curly and doesn’t look like Haruka. Weeks later, Reiji spends the morning unclogging the sharehouse sink, he’s ready to yell at Kanata, as the green hairs are too tell tale of a sign, when Kanata emerges from his bedroom - in a shorter hairstyle.įrom Reiji’s limited views on fashion, this doesn’t even look stylish.
This Kanata is like a manageable Tadaomi, who doesn’t ask questions. Kanata who does as told, always expected to be found in his room. He should be happy with this new, compliant Kanata. They’re not on speaking terms, nor Kanata wants to speak to any of them, but Reiji keeps wondering, he wants to ask, are you okay but he knows the answer would be a shake of his head, yet he wants to reach out, bizarrely enough. The blue hair dye fades out, Reiji hears Kanata running the water every night, scalding hot water steam seeps through the door cracks, Kanata wants the blue to be gone and eventually, it's gone. Gone is his early morning chatter, his bouncy lucky go happy attitude.Īfter that, come the physical changes.
He stops talking, lets his carefully crafted facade crack, crumble and fall - it doesn’t go unnoticed. It unnerves his bandmates as Kanata goes through the motions of life.
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